the edge of stop pretending you are a victim

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Do you feel you are a victim of something?

People all over the world feel they are victims.  That is why the whole world appears to be in a constant state of chaos.

Many individuals feel they are a victim because of their race, their religion, their sexual orientation, or simply because of their point-of-view on some topic that they personally feel strongly about, is one that other people disagree with.

Are there actual victims in the world?  Of course.  Absolutely.

Those people killed and hurt in Paris, Mali, Colorado and California.  Those individuals killed under suspicious circumstances in Baltimore, Chicago and Ferguson.  Those individuals who are victimized with any kind of violence, other criminal acts or death in all parts of the U.S. and the world we never hear about.

However, are you really a victim?  Be honest with yourself and the world.

Or are you just not willing to take responsibility for your own feelings, or your own shortcomings?  Why do you need to blame someone else or something else for the way you are feeling and pretend you are a victim when you really are not?

Have all these so called “victims” just become a large group of “whiners” instead?

In a recent article by Scott Stump on Today.com,  Dr. Everett Piper, the president of Oklahoma Wesleyan University, lashed out at college students for playing the “victim” (card) every time “their feelings are hurt.”

Dr. Piper’s comments are not exclusive to the way college students feel, but also are feelings shared by other “victims” in our society as well.

Dr. Piper said:

“Our culture has actually taught our kids to be this self-absorbed and narcissistic.  Any time their feelings are hurt, they are the victims. Anyone who dares challenge them and, thus, makes them ‘feel bad’ about themselves, is a ‘hater,’ a ‘bigot,’ an ‘oppressor,’ and a ‘victimizer.”

Let me add one more word to Dr. Everett’s list, “X-phobia,” where you insert your own word for the X.  College students and many people practicing their own religion are quite fond of claiming they are victims of various X-phobias as well.

It also seems to me that after every world event that includes any tragedy or loss of life there are quickly a number of stories claiming there is some X-phobia being practiced against the same people or group involved in the event or caused the tragic event in the first place.

I think there probably is a checklist somewhere for reporters and bloggers to immediately write an X-phobia story, which in turn further propagates the victim mentality.

Tragic event. Check.  Write X-phobia story.  Check.  Further propagate victim mentality. Check.  There probably is not a real check list, but “C’mon Man” with such stories.

So what is your edge of pretending you are a victim?

Do you think you are an actual victim of something or are you just pretending to be?

The victim mentality and associated collective energy is both contagious and destructive.

If you are feeling like a victim right now about something, step back take a breath and examine your own feelings.  Try to understand why you are feeling that way and what events, actions or inactions in your own life have made you feel that way.

Talk to your family, friends, people at work, people in your community.  Many times if you are “witnessed” by someone who will accept your point-of-view, but may not necessarily agree with it, you will feel better not only about yourself but also about others who have a different point-of-view.  Human interaction and not isolation is often the key to changing the way you feel about your own “victimhood.”

If someone disagrees with your point-of-view on something, that is ok.  Do not take it personally.  We are all unique individuals and it is not possible for us agree on everything and there should be no expectation that should or will ever happen.

Take responsibility for your own actions or inactions.  That is a scary thing to do for most people.  It is much easier to blame someone else instead of having to be honest with yourself.  If you take responsibility for your own actions or inactions, you will not be part of the victim mentality.

If you want to change something you believe in, do it through positive actions and not destructive actions.

Dr. Piper also said:

learn that life isn’t about you, but about others…and the way to address it is to … (look at) everything that’s wrong with you rather than blame others for everything (you feel) that’s wrong with them.”

(I added the words in parenthesis in Dr. Piper’s quotes.)

I am taking responsibility for me.  I also “see you,” no matter what your point-of-view is.

So what are you going to do about you?

Out There on the Edge of Everything®…

Stephen Lesavich, PhD

Co-author of the award-winning and best-selling book:  The Plastic Effect:  How Urban Legends Influence the Use and Misuse of Credit Cards.

Regular columnist: Positive Impact Magazine

Follow Stephen Lesavich, PhD on Twitter: @SLesavich

Copyright © 2015, by Stephen Lesavich, PhD.  All rights reserved.