Dr. Stephen Lesavich
Listen to this Blog Post:
There are many times in your personal life where you face a situation that you cannot change.
Such a situation is called an “Immutable Reality.”
What is an Immutable Reality?
An Immutable Reality is “a fixed set of facts for a situation that is unlikely to undergo any real change in any respect, no matter what decisions are made or what actions are taken.”
What are Some Types of Immutable Realities?
A breakup, betrayal by a significant other, divorce, death, loss of a job, loss of living situation, religious differences, cultural differences, political differences, society norms differences, etc. are all examples of Immutable Realities.
What are Some Factors Influencing Immutable Realities?
- Relationships with Others: You can’t force someone to love you, forgive you, or stay with you in a relationship if they choose otherwise.
- Behavior and Actions of Others: The decisions, behavior and the actions of significant others, spouses, children and family members are beyond your control.
- Opinions and Beliefs of Others: You cannot change what others think or believe and you will not be able to change their minds.
- Cultural Background of Others: The culture, traditions and patterns of others cannot be erased and will not change.
Why Immutable Realities Can Be Challenging.
- Loss of Control: You are wired to control your own environment and set your own boundaries. Immutable Realities challenge this control structure, often leading to frustration or despair.
- Emotional Responses and Emotional Triggers: Feelings of helplessness, grief, anger and despair can arise causing emotional triggers when you are faced with unchangeable circumstances from an Immutable Reality.
- Resistance and Denial: You may deny and resist the Immutable Realities occurring in your own life, prolonging your suffering and preventing you from moving forward. Remember, what you resist, persists.
- Lack of Change: The Immutable Realities prevent change and keep you stuck. It is a fairly common reaction for you to feel discouraged and have a lack of confidence and enthusiasm when facing an Immutable Reality.
What can you do when you face an Immutable Reality in your own life?
If cannot change the Immutable Reality, then you must change yourself.
What Techniques Can You Use for Changing Yourself When You are Facing an Immutable Reality?
- Acknowledging the Immutable Reality: Acknowledging that something cannot be changed is the first step toward changing yourself when you face an Immutable Reality. An Immutable Reality may create a personal microburst of emotions in your own life. Acknowledgement provides a shift in focus to what you can control within yourself.
- Shifting Your Perspective About the Immutable Reality: Reframing how you view the situation of the Immutable Reality can help shift your perspective. For instance, seeing limitations as opportunities for change, can bring unexpected insights and deepens your understanding of yourself, enriching your emotional and intellectual growth.
- Finding Meaning in the Immutable Reality: Even in difficult circumstances, finding a personal purpose or personal meaning can transform the experience. Ask yourself questions like: (1) What can this experience teach me about myself or others? (2) How can this situation contribute to my personal growth or resilience? (3) What are the hidden opportunities or lessons within this challenge?
- Practicing Gratitude in the Immutable Reality: Practicing gratitude is a powerful way to reframe your mindset and find peace, even in the face of Immutable Realities. Practicing gratitude shifts your focus from what is lacking or unchangeable in your life to what remains positive, empowering, and within your control.
While immutable realities can feel limiting to you, they always offer opportunities for growth, acceptance, and creativity.
By understanding and embracing immutable realities, you can redirect your focus and energy toward creating a positive impact and personal transformations in your own life.
Out There on the Edge of Everything®…
Stephen Lesavich, PhD
Copyright © 2024, by Stephen Lesavich, PhD. All rights reserved.
Certified solution-focused life coach and experienced business coach.
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